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Freda Warrington - fantasy authorExtract from A Taste of Blood Wine, Book One of the Blood Wine Sequence
- Horslips, “Ghosts” Chapter
One: Outside the Rain Fear was
an irrational predator. Charlotte
Neville stood on the edge of the crowd, blinking at the glitter of
beads on
evening dresses, lights blurring in a haze of smoke. The gramophone’s
cheerful
rasp pierced the babble of voices. The whole room seemed to shimmer in
time
with her heartbeat. This fear
had stalked Charlotte all her life, but the more she tried to reason it
away,
the deeper it dug its claws. Shyness, others called it, but that soft
word did
not begin to encompass the dread that lay clotted inside her, ready to
flame up
in any social situation. This is
only Fleur’s house, not some grand affair, she told
herself firmly.
But logic couldn’t break her phobia. She sidled to an empty armchair in
a
corner and sank into it, trying not be noticed. It’s not that
I don’t want
to be friendly. Why do I always feel out of place and tongue-tied? Even
my own
sisters think I’m a fool. It had
been her Aunt Elizabeth’s idea to launch her into society, an attempt
to kill
or cure. And, like trying to learn to swim by leaping into the depths
of the
Arctic Ocean, it was killing her. The whole London Season had been a
nightmare.
If only Anne were here, I’d have an ally... Her friend Anne,
though, had
more sense than to waste time in what she scorned as “the marriage
market”. I
wish Anne’s good sense would rub off on me, she thought,
then none of
this would matter. Charlotte
couldn’t account for her fear of socialising, but it was very real and
filled
her with shame. It was ridiculous, especially compared with the genuine
terrors
that her brother David and his friend Edward had faced in the Great
War. For
their sake, she must put on a brave face. She
watched her slender, copper-haired sisters circulating among the
guests: Fleur,
tall and fashionable in her long pearls, always smiling a little as if
she knew
the latest gossip. And Madeleine, pretty and animated. With a cigarette
in a
long holder, she looked far more sophisticated than her almost-eighteen
years. And
I’m nearly two years older, Charlotte thought. I so
wish their poise
hadn’t passed me by. She
closed her eyes, imagining she was at home in Cambridge. The closed,
quiet
world of her father’s laboratory... the bulky curve of his back as he
leaned
over a piece of equipment, while she sat with her notebook making sense
of his
commentary. The cellar walls were dank and bare, yet safe and familiar.
There
was little sound, beyond the dull hum of a generator and the gurgle of
water
pipes. No one there but herself, Father and their assistant Henry, a
large,
untidy young man with a brilliant mind too focused on physics to care
about his
grooming or social skills. Henry she could tolerate, because she was
used to
him. He demanded nothing of her, unlike these society people who
expected her
to sparkle and parade like a circus horse, who disdained her when she
failed. Her chair
sagged under the weight of someone sitting on the arm. She opened her
eyes and
found Madeleine beside her, the beads on her oyster silk dress
straining the
frail fabric as she leaned down in a waft of smoke and perfume. “Charli,
when’s Father giving his lecture to the Royal Society?” “Oh –
next Friday evening.” Charlotte was startled. Madeleine had never shown
interest in their father’s lectures before. “What’s
it about?” “The
Electrical Structure of Matter.” “The
electric – what? Never mind. I’ll tell him it’s terribly interesting.” “Tell
who?” Charlotte asked. Madeleine
swung one foot, all nervous energy. “I’ve met the most delicious young
man.
He’s from Vienna, his name’s Karl von Wultendorf, and he’s fascinated
by
science. That’s why he’s in England, to study. When I told him our
father is Dr
George Neville, Karl had heard of him!” She mimicked an Austrian
accent, badly.
“‘Ah, the famous physicist. I should so love to meet him.’ So I’ve been
telling
Karl that he simply must come to Cambridge, that’s where all the
exciting
discoveries are taking place. Isn’t that true? You know better than me.” “Well,
yes, but—” “But
what? He’s the most wonderful man I’ve ever met. If he comes to the
lecture, I
can introduce him to Father, who will invite him to Cambridge...” Charlotte’s
stomach tightened. She hated strangers visiting the house. She was
clinging to
thoughts of home to get her through each wretched party, so the thought
of her
refuge being invaded was unbearable. She said,
“When did you ever attend one of Father’s lectures?” “I’ll
make an exception for Karl von Wultendorf.” Madeleine’s eyes elongated
like a
cat’s. “I’d make an exception to anything for him.” “Where is
he?” Madeleine
leaned closer and whispered, “Over there by the window, talking to
Clive. Don’t
stare.” Discreetly
Charlotte glanced at the stranger, who was with a small group framed
against
the red velvet curtains. Fleur’s husband Clive was beside him, blocking
her
view, so she saw only that he was slightly over six feet tall and slim,
his
hair dark with a reddish glow. It was enough, though, to reveal him as
an
attractive, imposing man. A threat. She looked away quickly. Charlotte
usually suppressed her feelings until they choked her, but this time
her
misgivings won. “No,” she
said sharply. Madeleine’s
face fell. “What d’you mean, no?” “You
can’t invite complete strangers to Father’s lectures, let alone to our
house.” “I can do
what I like.” Madeleine’s mouth became a sulky rosebud. “You’d
better not.” “What’s
the matter with you, Charli? You’re being ridiculous— No, I’m not going
to
argue, it would be too undignified.” Madeleine slipped gracefully to
her feet
and walked away to rejoin her friends, her face radiant again as if
nothing had
happened. Charlotte
was trembling. Much as she loved Madeleine, her love was too often
spiked with
envy of her younger sister’s easy confidence. Unworthy, but she
couldn’t help
it. Charlotte
hadn’t gone to school with her sisters. Instead she’d been educated at
home by
her father. Their mother was long dead, and he had been her constant
companion,
training her to work with him. Reclusive by nature, she’d taken
willingly to
the role, but it meant a sheltered life in the dry, donnish atmosphere
of his circle.
She avoided the social side of Cambridge life, happy to be a quiet
presence at
her father’s side, respected both as his daughter and his assistant. And
yet... she must want something more, or she would not have surrendered
to her
aunt’s wishes. “Charlotte
will suffocate,” Aunt Elizabeth had said. “It’s essential for a girl to
enter
society, especially with the shortage of eligible men after the War.
Look what
a good marriage Fleur made. You must let me bring her and Madeleine out
together – or do you want her growing into a dried-up old spinster,
George?” Her
father had responded with a lot of huffing, but hadn’t tried to stop
Charlotte
giving herself over to her aunt to be presented at Court, and all the
palaver
that followed. Charlotte,
however, was no debutante. She longed to be charming and confident, to
make
friends and attract admirers, but the cold reality was that she hated
it. She
felt nothing in common with these bright, brittle people: young rich
folk who
all knew each other, who scorned anyone who did not fit in. Away from
her own
safe world, she’d fallen apart. So much
for Elizabeth’s hopes of matchmaking. If a man showed more than a
passing
interest, Charlotte would freeze with involuntary dread that turned her
eyes to
ice and her tongue to stone. However polite her words, everything in
her
demeanour growled, “Don’t come near me!” Then she
would overhear comments that crushed the little self-esteem she
possessed.
“Madeleine and Fleur are grand girls; it’s a shame their sister’s so
stand-offish.
Pretty, I know, but I shouldn’t bother, old chap; she’s as miserable as
sin.” So the
more she suffered, the more she withdrew. Only her dread of Aunt
Elizabeth’s
wrath had kept her from fleeing back to Cambridge. Her aunt and sisters
made a
great show of “despairing” of her, not realising she found their
disappointment
the most painful blow of all. Alongside
her shyness, she harboured a streak of contempt for this social circus.
Perhaps
these people were wonderful beneath the glitter, but they seemed
shallow
compared to those she truly loved: her father, her brother David, and
Anne. The
thought of home was all that sustained her, but if Madeleine began
dragging her
new friends back to Cambridge – nowhere was sacred. I’ve had
enough, she thought. My
aunt’s not here. I can slip off to bed. I’d rather
be scolded by Fleur in the morning than sit here another moment.
She rose
and hurried to the open door. No one noticed, until she made the
mistake of
glancing back to make sure. The
stranger, Karl von Wultendorf, was staring straight at her. In that
moment, everything changed. The world ceased to exist for a heartbeat,
then
recreated itself: the same yet indefinably askew. A shadow was
whispering to
her. The
attention of any man alarmed her, whether he was handsome and brash
like Clive,
or as awkwardly dull as herself. This man, though, was more than
handsome. He
had an aura of dark beauty that magnetised the whole room in the most
sinister
way; indifferent to potential admirers, as a candle-flame is
indifferent to a
moth. Yet it was not so much his beauty that arrested her as his air of
self-containment. That, and the way his gaze cut into her like a light
beam –
cold and dispassionate, straight into her soul. The look
flatly terrified her. She fled up the stairs, praying that she would
never see
Karl von Wultendorf again. # “Who is
he?” Madeleine asked at breakfast, wilting over a plate of toast. Even
tired,
she had the charm of a sleepy kitten, her copper-red bob aglow in the
dull
morning light. Fleur
wasn’t really listening to Madeleine’s chatter, Charlotte observed, but
gazing
distractedly into the conservatory where her easels stood amid tangles
of
greenery. Fleur had always been creative, painting landscapes, flower
studies,
and portraits in oils or delicate watercolours. Her husband Clive
sometimes
belittled her talent, a foolish habit that infuriated Charlotte. Now Clive
sat behind a newspaper as if in silent disapproval of her sisters.
Madeleine
didn’t care, of course, but his presence made Charlotte uneasy. “Who is
who?” said Fleur. “Karl von
Wultendorf, of course.” “I don’t
know. A friend of a friend... all sorts of odd people get dragged to my
parties, I never know who half of them are.” “They’re
brought along for their novelty value,” Clive said from behind The
Times.
“Anyone strange or foreign, preferably with a title, and we’re supposed
to find
them entertaining... bloody ridiculous.” “Don’t be
such a misery, dear,” Fleur said mildly. “Even if he gate-crashed, he
was too
lovely to turn away. I should love to paint him.” “Oh, ask
him to sit for you!” exclaimed Madeleine. Clive
gave a disapproving grunt. Fleur didn’t react. She was so
uncharacteristically
listless that Charlotte began to worry. Was it more than tiredness and
the
after-effects of drink? “Well,
I’m in love,” Madeleine declared. “If I find out he’s married, I shall
die. He
isn’t, is he?” “For
goodness’ sake, Maddy, I don’t know!” said Fleur. “Don’t
snap at me! Is your morning head that bad? I expect Charlotte
to be dull
and unsociable, but not you.” Charlotte
toyed with a boiled egg. Maddy’s remarks were more thoughtless than
malicious.
They were also accurate. She loved her sisters, yet from childhood – to
her
perpetual regret – she’d had little in common with them. Fleur
sighed. “Sorry, Maddy. The truth is, I had a wonderful idea for a
painting last
night and I can’t wait to start.” “Wonderful
idea?” Madeleine said archly. “You should keep away from substances
brought by
your strange friends.” “You
should try them, dear.” Fleur stretched, the sleeves of her robe
sliding down
her lily-white slender arms. “Makes one feel so marvellously creative.” Charlotte
swallowed a mouthful of egg whole, almost choking. She assumed they
meant
cocaine. Their father would be outraged at Fleur for trying to corrupt
their
baby sister. She tried to hide her shock, but failed. “Oh,
don’t give me that old-fashioned look, Charli,” said Fleur. “But it’s
illegal.” “All the
best things are,” Fleur said dismissively. “To be honest, I rather wish
you
chaps would go home. You are darlings, but you know I can’t bear
distractions
when I’m painting. You don’t mind, do you?” “Well, I
do rather,” said Madeleine. “I was hoping to stay a few more days.” “You can
go back to Auntie’s house.” “You know
Aunt Lizzie left town last week. She’s gone back to Parkland Hall to
organize
my birthday party.” Fleur was
unmoved. “Go home, then. You don’t mind, Charli, do you?” “Of
course not,” said Charlotte, too fervently. “Oh well,
Charlotte wouldn’t mind,” said Madeleine. “She’s hardly the life and
soul of
any party, is she?” “Do be
grown up about it, Maddy. It’s really important that I work. I’ll
telephone
Father and ask him to send Maple to fetch you.” “God,
home. What a bore,” said Madeleine. “Buck up,
Mads. It’s not long to your party, is it?” Fleur stood up and moved to
the
conservatory as she spoke, turning in the doorway. “Two
whole weeks,” Madeleine groaned. Then her face brightened. “Oh, I hope
Karl
will come to Father’s lecture. I must know who he
is.” # In the
car on the way home, it was Madeleine who sat in silence, while
Charlotte made
conversation with Maple, her father’s chauffeur and valet. He was a
sweet man,
not an atom of unkindness in him. The familiarity of his long,
white-whiskered
face comforted her. On the back seat of the Rolls Royce, a smoky
leather scent
wrapped around her like a blanket and she began to relax. Eventually
she fell
asleep. When she
woke they were in Cambridge and almost home. Her head ached and her
throat felt
dry and sore. Rain was sheeting along the tree-lined street as Maple
guided the
long bonnet of the Rolls through the gateway to their house. “Are you
all right, Charli?” said Maddy. “You’re deathly white.” “It’s
nothing, I think I’ve a cold coming on,” Charlotte replied, coughing. Madeleine
shrank away theatrically. “Well, don’t come near me with it.” The
Nevilles’ house was a graceful villa of creamy grey stone, sheltered by
trees
and a high wall. Charlotte drank in the sight as Maple opened the car
doors.
There was Sally, the maid, waiting in the porch, her thinness
accentuated by
her long black uniform, her hair in untidy wisps around her kindly
face. With
her was Maple’s wife Mary, a prim little hen of a woman who mothered
everyone.
Both hurried to welcome the Neville sisters home. As
Charlotte stepped inside and shook rain off her coat, the homely scent
of
ingrained beeswax and tobacco greeted her. The walls were panelled in
dark
wood, the rooms crowded with Victorian furniture. On rainy days, the
gloom was
oppressive, but at this moment the house spoke to Charlotte of peace
and
solitude. Since
their mother died, Mary Maple had presided over the household, aided by
Sally
and a cook; not a large staff by some standards, but George Neville
preferred
simplicity. He would probably have been happiest if he and Charlotte
had lived
there alone. “Oh, I
hate this house,” Madeleine said with feeling, shivering as Sally took
their
coats and hats. “Maddy!”
Charlotte exclaimed. “Well,
it’s so dark. Living here
doesn’t
mean I have to like it.” Their
father came into the hall to welcome them. He
was wearing a shabby tweed suit over a shirt with an old-fashioned
stand-up
collar. His grey hair –
once as red as Maddy’s
–
was thinning, and his
white moustache was stained yellow by tobacco. Charlotte, who loved,
respected
and feared him, was shocked that Madeleine could be so downright
impertinent.
Yet it was Maddy who ran to kiss him, not Charlotte. She’d
never been demonstrative. “Had
enough of London at last?” he said, awkwardly
patting her shoulder. “No,
never,” said Madeleine. “Marvellous party last
night.” “H’m?
Was your aunt at this
party?” “No,
she went home to Parkland last week. You know
that.” He
shook his head, torn between pleasure at their
return and disapproval of their gallivanting in London. “She’s
supposed to be chaperoning you.” “Oh,
Father, don’t
be so conventional. We were at Fleur’s
last night, not an opium den.” He
glowered, but Madeleine took no notice. “I
didn’t
want to come home, but
Fleur chucked us out because she wants to paint. Can you believe it?” “Oh,
well, the Season’s
over, isn’t
it?” He glanced
meaningfully at Charlotte. “Time to resume useful work.” They
entered the drawing room, a dimly lit space of
brown, crimson and ivory. The air was busy with the ticking of a dozen
clocks,
their father’s
collection. “Not
me,” said Madeleine, stretching out on a sofa.
“I’ve
been invited to lots of
weekends in the country.” “Have
you indeed? Let me consider that. You are not
going on your own.” “Well,
I’m
sure Charlotte’s
not coming with me.” Madeleine removed her shoes
and flexed her silk-stockinged feet. Oblivious to her father’s
stern tone, she contrived to evade his discipline
like a fish sliding through wet hands. In contrast, Charlotte was
enmeshed by
his authority, couldn’t
bear to incur his
disapproval. “Don’t
be grumpy as soon as we’re
home.” “I’m
not in the least bit
grumpy, young lady. We’ll
discuss it after lunch.”
He looked at Charlotte. “And how did you enjoy all this debutante
nonsense?” What
to say? He must guess that she’d
loathed it, but she couldn’t
admit as much in front of Madeleine. Before she’d
composed an innocuous reply, her sister was
talking again. “Father,
I’ve
a favour to ask.” Her
tone became earnest and respectful. “Charli and I met an Austrian
visitor last
night, a most charming gentleman, who is interested in studying at
Cambridge. I
suggested he come to your London lecture next week so I may introduce
him to
you. He’d
be so thrilled. He says
you’re
famous!” George
Neville huffed a bit, pretending not to be
flattered. “Oh, well, I dare say it won’t
hurt to invite him up,
show him around. I presume he knows my field is experimental physics?
Is that
his area of interest? Famous, h’m.” Charlotte
didn’t
hear her sister’s
reply. Her head was spinning. However irrational
her feelings, she couldn’t
endure the idea of a
stranger in the house. It was a sense of foreboding: that once invited,
he
might never leave. She
interrupted, “I didn’t
meet him. We know nothing about him, Father, and
you’re
far too busy. Maddy
shouldn’t
have—” “Charli,
what’s
wrong with you?”
Madeleine said, exasperated. “He’s
only a man, not a
sabre-tooth tiger.” “Still,
I’m
the one who works with
Father, not you.” Madeleine’s
brown eyes narrowed.
“What right have you to tell me who I can invite to a lecture, or to
our home?
You’ve
been impossible, the
whole Season. In fact, you nearly ruined it for me.” “What?”
Charlotte gasped. Their
father tried to interrupt but Madeleine
wouldn’t
stop. “My
first Season should have been a whirl of sheer
fun from start to finish. Instead you’re
there like a ghost at a
feast, vanishing like a scared mouse if anyone dares look at you,
people
asking, ‘What’s
wrong with your sister?’
and me making excuses for you, ‘Oh,
she’s
shy, only happy with her
books.’
Well, I don’t
think you’re
shy at all, Charlotte. I
think you’re
an utter, selfish
misery!” Numb,
Charlotte walked out of the room. Their
raised voices followed her. “Madeleine,
please, that was uncalled for. If your
mother was alive...” “Well,
it’s
true, Father. A girl’s
Season should be about her, not about
jollying along a hopeless older sister. Why did she even bother?” Charlotte
went upstairs to her bedroom, sat at her
dressing table, and put her head in her hands. Madeleine was right. She’d
been too wrapped up in her own fears to see that
her behaviour might hurt her sister. Maddy might be self-centered,
impetuous,
and full of herself –
but still, she was young.
She deserved some gaiety before adult life began. Suddenly
Charlotte saw her own life as a dark
vortex: her father’s
home not a refuge but a
prison, because she couldn’t
face the bright coldness
of the world. Failure loomed like a cloud, and at the centre was Karl
von
Wultendorf: the gaze that had flooded her with terror. Maddy’s
rage was the last straw. All
this is my own fault. There’s
something wrong with me. Charlotte
felt choked with guilt. She would do
anything to heal the rift with Madeleine, but she couldn’t
change the past, nor repair her flawed self. Why
am I so terrified of life? Maddy’s
right, I shouldn’t
have gone to London, but I did so to prove I
could be normal, and all I’ve
proved is that I’m
not. Someone
tapped on her door, turning the knob. She
turned round, hoping to see her sister there. Maddy rarely stayed angry
for
long. Instead,
her friend Anne Saunders peered cheerfully
around the door. Not waiting for an invitation she strode in, slim and
long-legged in a white shirt and riding breeches. Her cropped dark hair
framed
a strong face with dark eyebrows, a warm and lively expression. She’d
known the Nevilles since childhood; her father
was their doctor, and recently Anne had got engaged to their brother
David.
Also she was Charlotte’s
only close friend, a feat
she’d
achieved by sheer
persistence, meeting aloofness with warmth until Charlotte finally
lowered her
guard. “The
Prof says you’re
not well,” said Anne. She gave Charlotte’s
father that nickname, although he wasn’t
officially a professor. “Was London that
exciting?” “Hardly.”
Charlotte smiled, glad to see her. “Don’t
come too close, I think I’ve
caught the flu.” “Oh,
I never catch things like that,” Anne said
dismissively. “Well, what sort of time did you have? Find a string of
suitors?
Potential rich husband?” She sat on the edge of the bed. “God,
no.” Charlotte shuddered. “I don’t
want one, thank you.” “Come
on, this is me you’re
talking to. There’s
a dreadful atmosphere downstairs, while you’re
lurking in your bedroom. What’s
happening?” Charlotte
took a breath so deep it hurt. Her lungs
were on fire. “I’m
being foolish. I hated
London, so Maddy’s
furious with me, and I
feel terrible.” “Maddy’s
angry because you didn’t
enjoy yourself?” “It’s
my own fault.” Charlotte
gave a brief explanation. “It
sounds as if she’s
being childish, not you,” said Anne. “Why do you always blame
yourself?” “I...”
She paused. “Really, there’s
no use in going over it.” “That’s
your trouble,” Anne said
gently. “All these years I’ve
known you, Charli, and
you still can’t
confide in me?” “It’s
nothing, truly. I hope
Maddy will forgive me. I’m
much more worried about
Fleur. I think she’s
dosing herself with...
something.” “Cocaine?”
Anne didn’t
sound surprised. “It’s
probably the fashionable
thing among her set, not that I’d
know. I’m
sure she’s
sensible enough to stop.
You worry too much.” “And
Maddy’s
taken up with some awful
stranger.” “Oh,
why’s
he awful?” Anne leaned
forward, fascinated. “Because
he’s
a stranger!” Anne
started to laugh. Charlotte
said, “Yes, I know it’s
ridiculous, but I felt –
oh, I don’t
know. I’m
under the weather. You should go away until I’m
more rational, and less infectious.” “Well,
if you say so.” Anne stood up, looking sadly
at her. “Go to bed with a hot drink and some aspirin; that’s
advice from the doctor’s
daughter. And don’t
forget David will be back for Madeleine’s
fancy-dress do. He’ll
cheer you up, if I can’t.
Have you decided on your costume, or is it
secret?” “Lord,
I haven’t
given it a thought.” She
gave a groan of exasperation. “I’m
sorry, Anne. It’s
Maddy’s
eighteenth birthday, and
all I can do is moan! I’m
just not –
I’m
sorry.” Anne
placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’m
concerned about you, Charli. You have to talk to
someone eventually, you know.” Anne
let herself out, leaving Charlotte feeling
worse than ever. Anne was only trying to help, but Charlotte couldn’t
bear to be seen as weak, hopeless and needy. Brave
front, she told herself. I’m
not made to be a party girl. I’m
a
cold scientist. Cold cold cold. That’s
who I am. Madeleine
stayed away but her father came to her,
felt her hot forehead and shook his head. “Get
yourself into bed, m’dear,”
he said with bossy affection. “You’re
no use to man nor beast in this state, spreading
germs. Go on, I’ll
send Mrs Maple with a
hot drink.” This
is really quite funny,
she thought later, as she lay sweating and
shivering in bed, staring at the dark ceiling. Only I could
be glad to catch
the flu. Now I’ll
miss Father’s
lecture to the Royal Society, but I wanted an excuse because I’m
too much of a coward to meet Maddy’s
gentleman friend. Despicable, but I do not want
him here! When
she fell asleep, fever extended horrifying
tendrils into her dreams. A
weird, rhythmic noise approached her from a great
distance. She stood on a brooding, desolate shore; a sooty beach and an
iron-grey ocean. She felt tiny under the inky sweep of the sky,
helpless before
the waves’
crashing power. Birds were
flying towards her with a steady whump-whump-whump
of wings:
featherless, primeval creatures with long teeth like razors. The only
specks of
colour were their blood-red tongues, each one slithering and hissing in
a cage
of fangs. Slow and malign, they flew towards her. The anticipation of
their
approach was unbearable. Then
David was beside her. The beach was a battlefield,
and as they waited for the birds to attack, he was giving cheerful
instructions: “Don’t
shoot until you see the
whites of their eyes, old girl.” Looking
around, she saw behind them a bright green
meadow sheened red with poppies. “David, I’ve
found a way out!” she
cried, and began to run towards the brilliance. He
wasn’t
with her. She tried to
turn back but couldn’t.
A vast trench lay in
front of her and he was on the far side, with Anne, Fleur, Madeleine
and
Father. They were stranded. Charlotte was helpless. She couldn’t
save them from the dark birds that soared
inexorably closer on vast black wings –
yet she wouldn’t
desert them. She stopped and faced the creatures.
The agony of waiting was an electric heaviness in her stomach. It felt
strangely
thrilling, as if she dreaded the raptors and desired them at the same
time.
Their mouth-beaks opened and the steaming red coils of their tongues
came
lashing out... Every
cell of her body tightened and she woke,
gagging with fear. Yet mingled with the nightmare she experienced a
pleasure so
intense that it left her breathless. The
darkness was a warm breathing weight on top of
her... Drenched
in sweat, she found herself lurching up in
bed, switching on her bedside lamp before she was properly awake. She
sat
gasping for breath, her whole body a mass of pins and needles.
Gradually the
racing of her heart began to ease. Lamplight
shone dim and warm on panelled walls.
Hers was a moody room, at times comforting, at others full of dark,
frightening
corners. Charlotte was desperate to break the veil of her night
terrors. She
glanced at the clock: three in the morning. Picking up the photograph
of her
mother from her bedside table, she lay back and focused on the
beautiful face. Charlotte
could barely remember her, but sometimes
she sensed her mother actually beside her, placing a cool hand on her
forehead.
It’s
all right, darling. Go to
sleep. The
portrait was more an icon than a memory; so far
away was the slender, stately woman in Edwardian clothes. She had an
unusual
face, its length balanced by large, deep-lidded eyes and a full-lipped
mouth.
The nose was short and delicate. Although her expression was solemn, a
slight
lack of symmetry in the features made her look girlish, exquisitely
pretty
under a mass of shining hair. The faded sepia had been hand-tinted with
coloured inks. Her eyes were a rich violet-grey, her hair warm brown
frosted
with golden-blonde. Charlotte
knew the colours were true, because she
was the image of her mother. Annette
Neville had died soon after Madeleine’s
birth. Charlotte had been less than two years
old, too small to remember more than fleeting impressions: a swish of
long
skirts, cool white hands. Her father and mother laughing together. Then
an
endless night of screams muffled behind closed doors... The horror
replayed in
her mind’s
archive, first the
screams and then the silence that rang forever with echoes of her mother’s
pain. Charlotte
believed in ghosts. She believed them to
be tangible phenomena with a scientific explanation, unknown as yet. An
interaction between places where the dead had lived and the minds of
the
living? She knew that ghosts were real to people who saw them. She
often felt
her mother beside her, like a friend, radiating all the calm wisdom
that
Charlotte lacked. Her
father had never recovered from Annette’s
death. But at least he had Charlotte, who was so
like her. That was why she could never leave him. It was her duty to
replace
her mother in his heart... She was the photograph come to life, the
image that
must stay the same forever. Charlotte
left her bed and went to the window to
stare out at rain-drenched darkness. She felt oppressed, webbed into
the
pattern of her life. Her head was full of images. A glowing, sparking
laboratory
in a cellar. Dark oak rooms through which the living moved like ghosts
and the
voices of the dead still echoed. A pale face with amber eyes that gazed
straight through her... And the sky... was she seeing things, going mad? She could see the wind, and it was solid: a hill of liquid glass that turned slowly over on itself like a wave. On its slopes were black shapes. The dark birds of her fever? Not flying, these creatures, but running. Running towards her through the sky. Copyright (C) Freda Warrington
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